SEE: The Companion Workbook

By Jennifer Brooke Lawless, M.S.

For readers of The Narcissism Decoder and The Power Moves

This workbook is used alongside both books of Volume One of The Decoder Series. The books name the patterns; this is where you put your own life against them, with guided exercises, pattern-mapping tools, and space to do the deeper work at your own pace.

How to Use This Workbook

This workbook follows the structure of the book. Each section corresponds to specific chapters, and the exercises build on what you've just read. There is no wrong way to use it.

Some suggestions:

Read the chapter first, then do the exercises.
Go in order, or don't. If a particular section calls to you, start there. Your nervous system often knows what it needs before your mind does.
Write by hand if you can. Research suggests that handwriting engages the brain differently than typing, it slows you down and connects thought to body. But if typing is what's accessible, use that.
Don't force it. If an exercise feels too activating, skip it. Come back later. Or don't. There is no obligation here.
Use a separate journal. Some exercises need more space than the page allows.

What this workbook is:

A space for your own truth
A set of tools for seeing more clearly
A companion for the work you're already doing

What this workbook is not:

Therapy (though it can support therapy)
A diagnostic tool
A weapon to use against anyone
Something that needs to be completed

A Note on Honesty

As you work through these exercises, you may recognize patterns not only in others but in yourself. You may notice moments where you used silence as punishment, or where your "honesty" carried a blade, or where you struggled to hold someone else's pain without centering your own.

That recognition is not a reason to stop. It is a reason to keep going.

This workbook is not about sorting people into villains and victims. The human capacity for harmful relational behavior exists on a spectrum, and surviving narcissistic abuse does not make anyone immune from their own blind spots. The healthiest thing you can do, the thing that separates recovery from repetition, is to stay honest about what you see in the mirror, too.

If you notice something uncomfortable about your own patterns: good. That means your perception is coming back online. Write about it. Bring it to therapy. Let it inform the person you are becoming: not as shame, but as data.

The people who do the most harm are the ones who never look. You are looking. That changes everything.

A Note on Pacing

There is no deadline for seeing clearly.

Some of these exercises will feel straightforward. Others will take you to places you haven't visited in a long time, or ever. Both responses are normal.

Signs you may need to slow down:

You feel emotionally flooded or numb
Your body is tense, shaking, or exhausted
You can't stop crying, or you can't cry at all
You feel dissociated: like you're watching yourself from a distance
You have an urge to contact the person you're writing about

When this happens:

Close the workbook
Use the grounding techniques in Appendix W-B
Do something that connects you to the present: walk, cook, hold something cold, call someone safe
Come back when you're ready. The workbook will wait.

You don't have to do this all at once. You don't have to do it at all. But if you do, do it gently.

Safety First: When to Pause, When to Reach Out

This workbook asks you to look at painful patterns. That looking can stir things up. Before you begin, please read this section carefully.

Assess Your Current Safety

| Safety Level | Description | Workbook Guidance | |---|---|---| | GREEN | You are physically safe, out of the relationship, or have strong support | Work through exercises at your own pace | | YELLOW | You are still in the situation but not in immediate danger; some support exists | Work through exercises selectively; avoid sections that could trigger confrontation | | RED | You are in danger, being monitored, or have no support system | Prioritize your safety above all else. Do not leave this workbook where it can be found. Use crisis resources below. |

If You Are in RED

Stop here and get support first.

This workbook will be here when you're safe. Your life comes first.

Appendix W-C of this workbook carries a safety-planning worksheet and the emergency numbers that do not change, and it is in the copy you already have. Start there if you cannot get online, or if getting online is not safe.

If you cannot safely store this workbook, use the online version in a private/incognito browser window. Clear your browser history afterward.

If You Are in YELLOW

Work selectively. Focus on:

Body awareness exercises (Section 2)
Grounding techniques (Appendix W-B)
Emergency protocol cards (Section 13)
Scripts and responses (Section 15)

Avoid exercises that involve writing about the person if they could find what you've written.

If You Are in GREEN

You have the space to go deeper. Use the full workbook. Go slowly anyway.

Crisis Resources

Save these before you need them. When you're activated, you may not be able to search for them.

The crisis numbers are at the front of See, under "If You Are in Danger Right Now", and the full list is online. If a number fails, you can walk into your local hospital, pharmacy, fire department or police station. It is organized by need: immediate 24/7 help, LGBTQ+-specific services, and what to do if you are outside the United States.

If you are outside the United States, contact your local emergency number, and see Appendix W-C of this workbook.

Your Progress Tracker

Volume One publishes as two books and so does this workbook. Sections 1 to 9 are the companion to The Narcissism Decoder . Sections 10 to 16 are the companion to The Power Moves , and in that edition they are numbered 1 to 7, because its chapters restart too. The table below uses the volume's numbering, which the combined edition prints.

This is yours. Mark each section as you complete it. It can help to see how far you have come.

| Section | Part | Status | |---|---|---| | Section 1: The Shrinking Map | Part I, Recognition | ☐ | | Section 2: Your Body Already Knows | Part I, Recognition | ☐ | | Section 3: Pattern Naming | Part I, Recognition | ☐ | | Section 4: The Bond That Felt Like Love | Part II, Understanding | ☐ | | Section 5: Seeing Behind the Mask | Part II, Understanding | ☐ | | Section 6: The Role You Were Assigned | Part III, Origins | ☐ | | Section 7: The Sentence You Spent Your Childhood Earning | Part III, Origins | ☐ | | Section 8: Your Template | Part III, Origins | ☐ | | Section 9: Siblings & the System | Part III, Origins | ☐ | | Section 10: The Relationship Timeline | Part IV, Application | ☐ | | Section 11: The Hidden Costs | Part IV, Application | ☐ | | Section 12: Your Exposure Questions | Part IV, Application | ☐ | | Section 13: Your Emergency Protocol Card | Part IV, Application | ☐ | | Section 14: Energetic Remapping Journal | Part V, Recovery | ☐ | | Section 15: Your Scripts & Responses | Part V, Recovery | ☐ | | Section 16: Moving Forward | Part V, Recovery | ☐ |

A note about progress: Some sections you will complete in one sitting. Others you will return to many times over months. A section is "done" when you have gotten from it what you need, not when every blank is filled. Trust your own sense of completion.

A note from the author:

The book opens the door. This workbook helps you walk through it. Take your time. There is no grade. There is no deadline. The only rule is: trust what your body already knows.

Jennifer Brooke Lawless